So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
