There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
