I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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