well I can't set my house on fire every night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize