no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
