Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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