you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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