Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
