I accidentally had phone sex last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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