I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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