he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wish there were birth control emojis
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
