i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
