I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
