You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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