I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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