you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
