he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
