Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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