He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
