battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
