I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
