theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
