He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
