Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
