I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
