I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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