Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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