Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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