why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
