Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
