I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
