im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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