If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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