Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
