As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
