Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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