his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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