I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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