Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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