I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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