he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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