i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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