The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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