I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize