I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize