im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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