I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
