I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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