I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
