Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
