She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
