we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
