Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
