I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
