where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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