Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
