I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
