Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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