Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hippo gnu deer
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
