i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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