Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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