Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
