Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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