I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
