as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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