I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
