The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
