My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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