new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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