last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
