omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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